St Valentine's Day Massacre

Today, a 'shaggy dog' story. The pups are 8 months old now and have only ever had scissor trim cuts around their eyes and bums; never a proper buzz-cut with the clippers. If you know the West Highland White Terrier breed, you will know that these dogs do not moult, so they need a hair cut every couple of months to prevent them turning into Dulux Dogs and over-heating in the summer.

Many people take them to professional dog groomers for a hair cut and beauty treatment (toe nails etc) but in Kent we were finding that this could be as much as £35 per dog per time, and with three dogs that was going to be an expensive proposition. We also found that we lived 20 minutes drive away from the European Service Centre for the 'Wahl' company who make a good type of professional clipper. It's in Whitstable. A decent set of clippers, 10+ years ago was £75, so it would pay for itself in one 'round' of cuts. Furthermore Wahl do a cutting-head replacement service as a sharpening-method - you take in your blunt heads and for about a fiver (10 years ago), they replace them with a sharpened head

I quickly decided that I would clip my own dogs and invested in a clipper plus some good quality scissors and thinning 'shears' (like 2 sharp combs meeting), plus oil for the clippers. I saved a chunk of a pond liner we were then installing as a non-skid mat and a big tupperware pot to keep all this gear in, and I have had it ever since, through Megan and Haggis, Deefer and now Towser and Poppy.

I am a long way from being a professional quality groomer and cannot give you a show-standard dog, but they get a hair cut and are much cooler in the summer. Sometimes they might be a bit embarrassed and hate me for the sticky-out tufts and missed bits, but they never complain.

I was asked today how you do it. I (rightly or wrongly) always clipper 'with the grain' (i.e. from shoulders down towards tail and from spine to flanks down the sides. When I was first shown, I was told you do necks against the grain and with a less-tall clipper head, but I have since been told not to. I use the same size head for necks and body. I always do the heads with scissors as the dogs are never impressed by the clippers rattling too near their face and eyes, and I do bums, faces, Towser's 'pizzle' and vulnerable bits like armpits and groins with the scissors also.

I possibly rush the job but I can do both pups in about an hour and a half total. They've probably had enough by then, so I let them down off the table, make a big fuss of them and give them a treat, and then let it all 'bounce back' for 24 hours before tidying up any howlers with scissors. As I said, I am not brilliant and after ten years plus, I still struggle to produce a good and 'proper' head shape and I am not very good at blending the clippered flanks with the scissor-trimmed (and much longer) "feathering" on bellies and legs.

The thinning shears come into play at the end as I try to iron out any edges and corners which are too sharp.

I think they look OK and I am happy to walk them in public plus, every time I do them I always feel I have saved myself £105 for the three.

There you have it.