Wednesday 16 May 2012

More Barding from 1998

From: "Haggis (Bah Humbug!)"
Subject: [WESTIE-L] Haggis-the-Bard's Christmas Humbug
Date: Fri, 11 Dec 1998 21:47:24 -0000

(Why does everyone do soooooo much shopping?)
Haggis's Dad's TIRED..........

Haggis writes..........

Who invented mince pies?
Please tell me who it was
Who invented mince pies?
I want to know because..
I'm not allowed to eat them
What kind of Christmas fayre
Is that to waft-at-my pow'rful nose
Come on you sod, be fair!

You humans fill your kitchens
Your sideboards and your table
with goodies much too much to eat
much more than you are able
We dogs can only watch and hope
as good food goes to waste
You tell us all that shortbread
Is not to Westie taste

There's choc'late, sweets and nuts and pud
There's cream and beer and rum
But what is there that's Seasonal
to fill a Westie's tum?
You humans open up your gifts
Which chocolate will you choose?
And all I've got in MY gift wrap's
more bloody raw-hide chews

We're bored we've not been walked again
My Daddy's working late
I've watched his "second helpings"
but there's nothing on MY plate
You sit and snooze all bloated
The weight is off your feet
You're happy that you've given me
Some scrawny turkey meat

You're full of Festive spirit
You set the Christmas tone
But all I've got to feast on
Is this boring dried-up bone
So, who invented mince pies?
I'd love to meat the swine
I'd tell him, stick his mince pies
Up where the sun don't shine!

Megan, Haggis and Kalamazoo
Home for the Bewildered

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