Carpentry for Pups

Mum and Dad are building Ikea bookcases. This is a marvellous opportunity for a pup to help, and I advise all pups to assist using the following skills

1) Balance: When dad is kneeling down to hammer the small pins through the hardboard back of the case, stand on his calves, bridging the gap. This will stop him falling over into the bookcase and also makes crawling about more fun

2) Sight: Your vision will be superior to any human vision, especially old git vision, so if you can get your eyes as close to the screw head or hole as possible you will be able to wag your tail when he is on target. Do not worry that this will position your big fluffy head and fruit-bat ears between his eyes and the holes. He is used to that and will cope

3) Taste: Dowel is good to chew up as it has a nice crunchy texture. If there is no dowel left in the bowl of screws, G-plan widgets and Allen keys, there will always be some wedged into the ends of planks which are waiting to be assembled, and these will only be loose in, easy to extract with pup teeth.

4) Hearing: Dog hearing is designed to cope with the sqeak and sqeal of expanded polystyrene packaging as it falls to bits. You may also enjoy ripping the tissue paper together that came between the sheets of wood.

5) Running: There will always be lots of running about involved - carrying tools upstairs, chasing back down to the shed for more tools or to put them away, taking packaging to the bin etc. Also in manouvring the finished item into position. This will give ample opportunity to get in the way and under the humans feet, which is excellent for their training in nimbleness

6) Wriggling out of a tight spot: If you p*** Dad off enough he may put you inside the newly completed filing drawer and threaten to slide it shut. This is your chance to show quick wits and lep' out before the drawer closes.

7) Lurve: Humans just crave your attention and you should lick their faces or arms at every opportunity - and there will be lots of these if they are kneeling down, scrutinising the destructions book which they have put on the floor, choosing tools or widgets from the bowl in the floor, or leaning down to adjust the screw-in feet of the unit. Lurve is, after all, the reason why they bought you, so it's your duty!

Get carpenting
Deefer